Suicide

 Carrying on still...

Carrying on still...

Someone I work with had a really good friend commit suicide last night.

My coworker was, understandably, pretty emotional about it today.

I didn't know the friend's situation, and I may not know your situation as well as I think; but I do have my own experiences. I think people some people find suicide as the only option to being very, very tired. It's the kind of tired that comes from passing over a hill only to end up in what feels like an endless valley. You look out and you see that the valley just never ends... 

Justin McRoberts once sang: "Have I been called out of darkness just to die in the sun?..." I used to think about that a lot when I first heard it.

It's you, just sitting there, stumbling there, lying there...

God... are you there?
Can you hear me?
Because I can't hear you...
Have I ever heard you?...
I'm just so...
Tired...

I know that feeling at least. And I think to some, it is the burden/gift one must bear...

I don't think about killing myself; at least, not anymore. Why? Because there have been many adventures I've had since that moment some 13 years ago. I've had many heartaches since then as well; so don't mishear me. There is much toil in this life. But there is so much yet to come; so much yet to bear, for yourself, for others; so much yet to see. There is always a horizon, always a rising sun to every setting sun.

Sometimes, though, you have to move quickly to the other side of the world to see it; or, just wait a little while longer.

Take courage yet.

  1. Justin McRoberts, Reason for Living; track 6, Heaven Help Me
Posted on February 3, 2012 and filed under Moments, Letter.