Epic Zombie Defense, Ep 2, Bass Pro Shop

Scenario - Author and three others arrive at a Bass Pro Shop at the outset of a zombie boom. Can they survive???

First, I'd just like to say that if there is ever a zombie outbreak near you - head to a Bass Pro Shop. Why? They have guns (rifles, pistols, shotguns, scopes, laser sights, ammo out the wazoo, etc) , ATVs, boats, food, clothing, survival gear, camping equipment, shoes, camo, bows, CROSSBOWS... pretty much everything you would need to survive.

People I want with me:

B.A. Baracus (Mr. T from his A-Team days, not his World of Warcraft commercials now). This guy could build a Sherman tank out of Yugo or a Gremlin, and he can do it in about 1.4 minutes - even though it might look like it takes longer, that's about how long it takes for him to build anything on the show.

Lt. Commander Data, from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Why? 1- He's an android - why would zombies want to eat him? 2 - he's got superhuman strength. 3 - he's pretty much smart about everything, that computer brain and all.

Natalie Portman, because, well... she's, in the immortal words of Wayne and Garth: "[if you were a president you'd be] Babe-raham Lincoln". Plus, every adventure needs a leading lady.








The results: We would arrive in time to know the end is near. Natalie would be wondering if all her Vegan ways really mattered anymore - after all, what good is being a Vegan when a Zombie wants your brains? Mr. Data would be really interested in the biological happenings in the organisms now violently running rampant and would begin analyzing potential origination scenarios. But he still wouldn't use a contraction when he talked about it. BA would be wondering what in the world was going on, and talking about how he pitied the fool that started the whole thing. Assuming the Bass Pro Shop is something like the one nearest me, we'd secure the first floor exits and place barricades in front of them. BA would stockpile the ammo and guns in a three-tier fall back position, with the last one leading to the stairway leading to the roof. Mr Data would inventory food and supplies and give us a time table. He'd also frequently leave to gather fuel for the ATVs and boats we may need later as well as bash in some zombie skulls to collect scientific data. Of course, all the while there would be time for Natalie I to get to know each other. Because that's what happens in those life and death moments.

Did we survive? OF course we did. Not only did we survive, but one of the following would have happened:

1. Mr. Data would have discovered a rational and scientific reason behind the outbreak of zombies, and then found a cure (but being as I would be the comic relief, Natalie Portman would still fall for me)
2. With's Mr. Data's knowledge of starships, BA would build a spaceship and we would leave the planet behind and start a moon colony (that is, Natalie and I would)
3. We would simply outlast all the zombie horde and rake in about a billion zombie kills, and I would still say to Natalie: Someone's ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it... (Columbus in Zombieland anybody? Anybody???)

RESULT: 

Some post Christmas thoughts

Hey folks, sorry we've been out of it for a bit. Clower was moving up here to the Gump, and I've been trying to keep my sanity amid an ever changing world... maybe not successfully. But we're still here, and still going to write it up.

1. Have you seen Disney's UP yet?  Fantastic movie. Watched it two nights ago. Some beautiful moments in that very first part.
2. Interesting article on the notion that sex actually doesn't sell, at least not in Hollywood movies. Does Sex Sell in Movies? My favorite line from the article is: "It's about wooing, not winning." Makes me wonder, is that the big difference between guys and girls. Hahaha. It was my initial thought. So run with it and let me know what you think.
3. I told this girl at work that I was going to ask her out every day for a year starting in January. She laughed. I think I'll log her response everyday. Like a science experiment. Along with what and how I said it.
4. If you've got the post-Christmas blues - you know - like that feeling of something so close, so real, so good, just disappeared and you're wondering if it ever appeared to begin with and now you're at a loss... well, here's some medicine for the soul... (I'm always glad for some Wilcox...)

Some Christmas Awesomeness

Some awesome things...

Psych is coming back in January:

And Psych is always awesome.

Second - I watched the entire first season of Community - it's actually pretty good.

Third - Borderlands for Xbox 360 - is awesome.

And that's all I've got right now...

Happy Holidays!!!!

Looking for metaphors in all the wrong places...

I realized I do that - a lot, actually.

But, I think I learned something today. The first step is getting to acknowledge the truth. I guess that's why in AA, or whatever rehab, they always get you to say you are a drunk, or addicted, or whatever. You gotta know what is, and what isn't. Getting to the truth doesn't mean everything is fixed right after that. It really just started, but it doesn't start until you get to that point first. All the preparation for the journey can ensure your arrival at your destination, but the journey never starts without the first step.

Hmmm....

So you gotta get to the truth first. And then, after that - that's when you start walking.Ahhhhh, I get it now. And the truth will set you free...

Talking with one of the senior high youth I said regarding his entrenched sin, "You let Jesus deal with the sin, you just deal with Jesus."

"I don't get it, what does that mean?"

"I know. Exactly. It's as bad as dealing with a girl, 'cept God is invisible..."

My one-liner thought for the day.

440 hours and lots of legos later...

I found this video the other day, absolutely amazing. If you can't appreciate it, click on the video where they show the side by side comparison between the original movie and what they created.

Great job guys!

Epic Zombie Defense, Ep 1, The Boat House

Clower is taking the first installment of the Epic Zombie Defense, or EZD, scenario. The rules are simple:

1. You plus any three people
2. Locale, time limit, and particular scenario changes for each installment
3. Do you survive?

So for Clower, he gets 3 people and has to survive 36 hours on a boat house. Here is his response:

So if I have to defend a boat house for 36 hours against the zombie horde, I'm going to assume for the sake of argument that for some reason we can't just take the boat out to sea and wait the zombies out. Maybe we're out of gas or run aground in the shallows. Given that we are talking about having to defend a small structure that is also likely being tossed about by the surf, I think you need a crack team of nautical-minded warriors. So my picks:

Richard Marcinko, the real-life Navy SEAL and author of the Rogue Warrior series of action novels: To be specific, I'd want the fictional version that appears in the books, not the real-life Marcincko. Because, while Marcinko could probably still kick my butt in real life, he probably makes himself a lot tougher in the books. I figure his marksmanship, naval experience, and overall BAMFness would make the Rouge Warrior a top-natch nautical zombie killer.

Capt. Jack Sparrow: I'll admit Sparrow is a risky choice. Without a steady supply of rum on board he's likely to go into withdrawals and be useless. But he has actual experience fighting the undead on the high seas (see the first Pirates of the Caribbean  movie) and he's pretty handy with a gun and sword. Plus, he's kind of funny, which would be good for moral in the face of certain death.

Aquaman: The king of Atlantis gets a bad rap for having the lamest powers of anyone on the Justice League, but out on the water, his ability to communicate with sea creatures could come in handy. In this scenario, I'd specifically want the bearded, hook-handed nineties version of the Aquaman, not the goofball from Superfriends.

The Result:

After our house boat runs aground in the shallows, the teams decides to make a stand against the horde of undead sloshing towards us through the surf. In the first few hours of the assault, Marcinko's Navy SEAL marksmanship will keep the horde at bay. With Marcinko to guide us, the rest of the team uses this time to make some improvised sea mines out of spare gasoline and other chemicals aboard the boat. Tossing these into the surf, we are able to further thin out the zombies. For the first 10 hours or so, things are going smooth, but eventually we'd be out of ammo, out of explosives and the zombies would soon be clambering onto the boat. Jack's sword and Aquaman's hook hand would help in fighting back the zombies, and Aquaman would use his powers to call in an army of sharks and a giant squid to even the odds. Unfortunately, we underestimated the effect of consuming undead flesh would have on sea life, and soon our boat would be surrounded by a frothy soup of zombie sharks and undead squid tentacles wrapping around the hull. Faced with certain death, we'd be forced to pull a Keira Knightly and sacrifice Capt. Jack to save everyone else. Passing Jack the rest of the rum, we'd toss him into the sea to be fought over by the the zombified sharks and squid while the rest of us make for the inflatable raft and beat a hasty retreat back to shore. Total survival time: 25 hours.