Happy Holidays!!!!

Looking for metaphors in all the wrong places...

I realized I do that - a lot, actually.

But, I think I learned something today. The first step is getting to acknowledge the truth. I guess that's why in AA, or whatever rehab, they always get you to say you are a drunk, or addicted, or whatever. You gotta know what is, and what isn't. Getting to the truth doesn't mean everything is fixed right after that. It really just started, but it doesn't start until you get to that point first. All the preparation for the journey can ensure your arrival at your destination, but the journey never starts without the first step.

Hmmm....

So you gotta get to the truth first. And then, after that - that's when you start walking.Ahhhhh, I get it now. And the truth will set you free...

Talking with one of the senior high youth I said regarding his entrenched sin, "You let Jesus deal with the sin, you just deal with Jesus."

"I don't get it, what does that mean?"

"I know. Exactly. It's as bad as dealing with a girl, 'cept God is invisible..."

My one-liner thought for the day.

440 hours and lots of legos later...

I found this video the other day, absolutely amazing. If you can't appreciate it, click on the video where they show the side by side comparison between the original movie and what they created.

Great job guys!

Epic Zombie Defense, Ep 1, The Boat House

Clower is taking the first installment of the Epic Zombie Defense, or EZD, scenario. The rules are simple:

1. You plus any three people
2. Locale, time limit, and particular scenario changes for each installment
3. Do you survive?

So for Clower, he gets 3 people and has to survive 36 hours on a boat house. Here is his response:

So if I have to defend a boat house for 36 hours against the zombie horde, I'm going to assume for the sake of argument that for some reason we can't just take the boat out to sea and wait the zombies out. Maybe we're out of gas or run aground in the shallows. Given that we are talking about having to defend a small structure that is also likely being tossed about by the surf, I think you need a crack team of nautical-minded warriors. So my picks:

Richard Marcinko, the real-life Navy SEAL and author of the Rogue Warrior series of action novels: To be specific, I'd want the fictional version that appears in the books, not the real-life Marcincko. Because, while Marcinko could probably still kick my butt in real life, he probably makes himself a lot tougher in the books. I figure his marksmanship, naval experience, and overall BAMFness would make the Rouge Warrior a top-natch nautical zombie killer.

Capt. Jack Sparrow: I'll admit Sparrow is a risky choice. Without a steady supply of rum on board he's likely to go into withdrawals and be useless. But he has actual experience fighting the undead on the high seas (see the first Pirates of the Caribbean  movie) and he's pretty handy with a gun and sword. Plus, he's kind of funny, which would be good for moral in the face of certain death.

Aquaman: The king of Atlantis gets a bad rap for having the lamest powers of anyone on the Justice League, but out on the water, his ability to communicate with sea creatures could come in handy. In this scenario, I'd specifically want the bearded, hook-handed nineties version of the Aquaman, not the goofball from Superfriends.

The Result:

After our house boat runs aground in the shallows, the teams decides to make a stand against the horde of undead sloshing towards us through the surf. In the first few hours of the assault, Marcinko's Navy SEAL marksmanship will keep the horde at bay. With Marcinko to guide us, the rest of the team uses this time to make some improvised sea mines out of spare gasoline and other chemicals aboard the boat. Tossing these into the surf, we are able to further thin out the zombies. For the first 10 hours or so, things are going smooth, but eventually we'd be out of ammo, out of explosives and the zombies would soon be clambering onto the boat. Jack's sword and Aquaman's hook hand would help in fighting back the zombies, and Aquaman would use his powers to call in an army of sharks and a giant squid to even the odds. Unfortunately, we underestimated the effect of consuming undead flesh would have on sea life, and soon our boat would be surrounded by a frothy soup of zombie sharks and undead squid tentacles wrapping around the hull. Faced with certain death, we'd be forced to pull a Keira Knightly and sacrifice Capt. Jack to save everyone else. Passing Jack the rest of the rum, we'd toss him into the sea to be fought over by the the zombified sharks and squid while the rest of us make for the inflatable raft and beat a hasty retreat back to shore. Total survival time: 25 hours.

From their point of View

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Inverse Ninja Proportion Theory

Clower was supposed to have filled you in on this, but he hasn't, so I didn't want to leave you hanging with the previous posting on Ninja Assassin, and still be befuddled concerning what exactly is the Ninja Inverse Proportion Theory.

First, we have to look at some things we DO KNOW about ninjas.

1. Ninjas are deadly
2. Ninjas are anonymous
3. Majority wear black when dealing death
4. Their business is death, not being eco-friendly farmers

Think of Snake Eyes, or Storm Shadow; just having a ninja on your team makes you able to wipe out massive amounts of enemy dudes.

So if you know that a ninja is a BAMF, then you would think that somehow having more of them would be like stockpiling hundreds, no thousands, of nuclear missiles, making everyone fear you, right?

And here is, strangely, where the Inverse Ninja Proportion theory comes in. Even though one ninja is equivalent to 100 soldiers, give or take, the Universe seems to have corrected the inevitable disproportionate balance of power.

• 1 Ninja > 100 Soldiers
• 100 Ninjas < 1 Ninja

In fact, the fewer the total number of Ninjas, the greater the BAMF factor divvied out. So total Ninja BAMF quotient would look something like:

• B = 1/N

where B is total absolute BAMF factor, and N is number of ninjas.

Two startling examples of this are:

American Ninja - In the beginning, the American soldiers are ambushed by several ninjas, and the soldiers lose. Why? Because ninjas are deadly. Yet there is one American ninja, and by the end of the movie, he destroys the enemy compound of hundreds of ninjas.

And of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movies. TMNT's consistent foes are the Foot Clan, a clan of ninjas, and more often than not, the 4 turtle ninjas are able to beat the horde of ninjas exported by the Foot Clan.

Hug an Asian and Ninja Assassin

Two things of note today.

1. Today is National Hug an Asian Day.

At least, that's what facebook told me. So if you see me, or my family, you should hug them.

Second. I finally watched Ninja Assassin this past week.

Here is my review:

What happens when you train orphans into assassins? You get assassins. What happens when you promote killing in an emotionally sensitive area to your top assassin? You get revenge. That's the basic plot. Kid grows up being trained to disassociate from pain, to become numb, but you can't stop girls and boys from being girls and boys. Try to kill one, and well, the other will get a little angry at you. This almost falls classically in line with basic Ninja Revenge Theory 101 which postulates that if you kill a young Asian kid's loved one, and you don't kill the kid, the kid will invariably come back to kill you when he is stronger, faster, and better trained. This is spectacularly so when said kid is ALREADY a ninja. Of course there is the Ninja Inverse Proportion theory as well, that evil Ninja Clan should have already known,that states that multiple ninjas versus one ninja will always lose to the one ninja. (see American Ninja, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ninja Assassin, the list goes on for examples.)

And the story goes on that Europol, which I thought was the fake Interpol, but is not, is on the trail of actual ninja assassination attempts by following the pattern of people dying and then 100 pounds of gold being moved into bank accounts. An basically there's lots of ninjas killing helpless soldiers and police officers, lots of heads being cut in half (not at the neck), bodies being sliced up, and blood flying all over the place.

And then the movie is over.

Really, that's about it.

Plot: 2/5 --- nothing life changing or unexpected or fresh about the story.

Action 4/5 --- great fight sequences, nothing has ever shown ninjas to be such BAMFs as this movie.

Characters 2/5 --- pretty bland, and pretty average.

Music 2/5 --- I actually can't remember anything about it, but it didn't ever annoy me either.

Ninja awesomeness 5/5 --- ninjas are just awesome.

Final rank: 3/5 --- If you like ninjas already, you'll like this movie, if you don't, well, only if you like martial arts and lots of blood will this interest you, if you want good story with your action, you're better off renting The Last Samurai instead.

Jodi and Drew got hitched

Jodi and Drew just got married, and just got back from their honeymoon, and I had the privilege of working with  Shae Owens in photographing the event. So I thought I would share some photos as well.

Congrats, Jodi and Drew!

Ninja Assassin is out tomorrow

In case you hadn't heard Ninja Assassin opens tomorrow, Wednesday, November 26.

Yes, it's only got a 26% approval on Rotten Tomatoes, which means it is assuredly not certified fresh, but rotten instead.

However, it's about Ninjas, and Assassins. And even though it's actually redundant to add Assassin to the word ninja, that's okay, I'm still going to see it.

To honor the opening of a new movie about Ninjas, we will be posting 3 new entries this week. The next episode of the Royal Tumble, featuring assassins, of a sort, the Ninja Inverse Proportion Theory that Clower is working on, and a new episodic - Epic Zombie Defense series, or EZDs.

Look for it.

And see the movie.

And stop texting me, thinking that you're funny, by saying, "dude, i see there's a movie about you." I'm sure I can't be the only Asian-Caucasian that you know.

"Crappy Sex"

So I've been recently catching up on episodes of Bones thanks to Best Buy selling the first 3 seasons for $19.99. In Season three there's this episode called "Death in the Saddle" where this guy, Mr. Ed - who has a fetish for parading around like a pony, eating like a pony, and being whipped - is killed. At the end, when the whole murder is solved, the criminal arrested, there's FBI special agent Seeley Booth and Dr. Temperance Brennan once again in their favorite diner, reflecting on what just happened. Booth is frustrated at how useless the pony fetish is, and what they're trying to accomplish...

Booth: Just so they could have crappy sex

Brennan: How do you know it’s crappy?

Booth: It’s gotta be, Bones

Brennan: Why? 

Booth: Why? I’ll tell you why. Here we are, all of us basically alone, separate creatures, just circling each other, all searching for the slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places, some they give up hope because in their mind they’re thinking: "Oh, there’s just nobody out there for me." But all of us keep on trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a while, every once in a while, two people met and there’s that spark. And, yes Bones he’s handsome and she’s beautiful and maybe that’s all they see at first. But making love? Making love … that’s when two people become one.

Brennan: It’s scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space

Booth: Yeah, but what’s important is we try. And when we do it right … we get close. 

Brennan: To what? Breaking the law of physics

Booth: Yeah, Bones. A miracle. 

Booth: Those people, role playing fetishes, and their sex games. It’s crappy sex. Compared to the real thing.

Brennan: You’re right.

Booth: Yeah but - wait a second - I just won that argument?

Brennan: Yeah.

So... crappy sex, huh? You remember Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs from Psych 101? I think, spiritually speaking, there is a similar hierarchy of needs - and one that falls in line with what Booth was talking about. I think for myself there's this descending list where if I cannot get, achieve, know, feel whatever it is at the top of the list, I'll keep on going down the list till I can get whatever it is I can get... A list might look something like:

1. God intimacy (I guess you could call it spiritual intimacy/harmony)
2. relational intimacy (I suppose romantic in nature)
3. sex
4. hobbies (sports, video games, whatever)
5. list goes on

Though things on the list are fine in and of themselves, I think their ability to satisfy and fill inner longings of what we really desire, I don't think they can do that. I like what David Wilcox says when he wrote Eye of the Hurricane, a song about what "keeps [him] from joy; addiction." The lyrics go:

She told me once it's quite a ride
It's shaped so there's this place inside
Where if you're moving, you can hide
Safe within the rain

{Refrain}
She wants to run away
But there's no where that she can go
Nowhere the pain won't come again
But she can hide
Hide in the pouring rain
She rides the eye of a Hurricane

Tell the truth, explain to me
How you got this need for speed
She laughed and said
"It might just be the next best thing to love"

Hope is gone, and she confessed
That when you lay your dream to rest
You can get what's second best
But it's hard to get enough

I think that's the gist of it all. You can get what's second best, but you really never do get enough. Maybe somewhere along the way you settle. You keep settling, and before you know it  you've settled for so long and for so much that the thing which satisfied, or had the hint of satisfaction, it's become such a foreign anomaly you forget what it was to begin with. "Rubbish," you think, that was a child's tale. Simplistic "young love" or naiveté - I think that's what some would label it. But everything seems so empty, so stale, so formulaic; at least, that's the place you end up when you keep settling. 

So whether you walk with God, or if you're just walking beside someone else holding hands, I think you really have to take into account the things in your own heart as you deal with this other person, deity or not. Yes, busyness does indeed makes the days pass with a flurry, but busyness can also keep one from the proverbial smelling of the flowers, and from appreciating what is from what is not.

Stop giving up.

ROYAL TUMBLE part 1

Here are the rules: Two Men Enter, One Man Leave.

Hahaha. Sort of anyway. The situation is what happens when a bunch of BAMFs from cinema, literature, video games, etc, get into a brawl. Who wins. Who loses. And why. Participants can always fight again in another epic brawl, even if they received mortal wounds from a previous fight. Why? Don't ask silly questions, just continue to read anyway.

For part 1, the participants are:

• James Tiberius Kirk, captain of the Enterprise
• Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon
• Aragorn, king of Gondor
• Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds, captain of the firefly class Serenity

Rules: Fist-fight only

Clower's power play:

My gut tells me to go with Capt. Kirk. You know that about a minute into the fight he'd get his shirt ripped off and its kind of like when someone makes Bruce Lee bleed--it unleashes his inner power.

 Aragorn is an interesting choice, but can he really fight without his sword? Plus he's too philosophical and kind of mopey. Halfway through the fight he'd be thinking about Liv Tyler, the nature of his own mortality and the crushing burden of destiny and then someone would knock him out.

 Han would be a contender. But again, he's not really as formidable without a blaster or a starship. Now, if this were Han's parallel universe alter-ego, Indiana Jones, it would be a whole different ballgame.

 I'm thinking it comes down to slugfest between Mal and Kirk. But in the end, the combination of Kirk's sweaty, hairless barrel chest, his lantern jaw and perfect hair are just too much for Mal to overcome.

Wolfe's prognosis:

My gut tells me that Kirk will immediately drop to a barrel roll and get his shirt ripped off. And while he's doing this Han Solo will just shoot him with his blaster because Han always shoots first and asks questions later. And he doesn't play by anyone's rules.

And yes, Aragorn without a sword makes him a little helpless. But I figure that Aragorn is never alone. As soon as Han shoots Kirk in the chest, the dwarf Gimli will come flying across the screen to tackle Han, but he'll be too slow as Legolas will have already pinned Han's hand with an arrow.

Mal, realizing he should have brought his gun like Han did, will be looking at all this wondering if Jayne will go ahead and take the shot. Jayne will be 250 meters away watching through a sniper scope wondering if Han Solo would pay him more than Mal does.

Meanwhile Kirk is bleeding out because he actually fights fair and Spock is busy fitting a captains button to his suit while looking at the green alien chick that watching everything going on.

Mal will realize this ain't worth it because there's no money in fighting all these people and will leave, especially since none of these guys work for the Alliance.

And Aragorn will have won by default. It's not that he didn't fight fair, it's because he's got friends that won't ever leave his side. And Aragorn will let Han Solo go because that's what understanding people do for people who are awesome, because Han Solo is awesome, though Aragorn will still look over at Kirk and say aloud: "douche".